I had a dream that I was alive.  I was a living and breathing creature.  Oh what a gift of life it had seemed to be.  I was a human in this world of existence. I could have sailed to outer depths of the earth ….i could have loved lavishly…...i could have danced in the rain  and waited for the glimpse of the rainbow once the rain subsided….but yet I did not embrace all of thee…..why, I could not tell you…..i walked this earth and felt love come and go….as soon as it came, I seemed to hold on to it so tight that I could not tell that it  had slipped through….until, I mustered up enough courage to open my fist a little and peak inside…..and lo and behold, it was gone, and  I was alone again….this familiar feeling had been my only consistent and dependable companion in this existence…..i knew I  was never alone because loneliness was my escort on this path...i looked around at those I once loved and they seemed to slowly slip away…..further and further apart…..our footsteps, in opposite directions….soon our backs would be turned to each other…..our realities would soon turn into memories….the fleeting moments of laughter and smiles would soon be in the attic of our consciousness……but not to worry because I was with loneliness, He was not just my companion, but my condition…..

mannnnnnnnnnnnnnn.....its been a long time to say the least.......i can not believe i am graduating in less than a month......its the craziest feeling in the world......it means i actually have to start acting like a responsible adult.....i feel at the beginning of my college career I was more of an adult than I am now.....i do not know where the regression began......sometimes i think that i was forced to grow up too fast and be a responsible adult at the age of 10 that at some point in college I decided i wanted to be a kid....who knows about all my inconceivable abnormalities......

my cpa classes end tomorrow....its kind of a sad feeling...do not get me wrong...i am finally happy to have my friday's back.....9-4 every friday sucked.....

anyways, i had a great weekend here with all of my friends....except we did miss renee......its been a while since all of the 206 crew has been together...(neil, sunil, dipesh)....it was a great feeling having all those guys here....orange tree #70 was a packed apartment.....anyways gotta go.....love everyone...

ps.s...sibyl i want to go on a date with you....why must you deny me =)

so, here it goes....my first xanga post....a big day for all of those who have been patiently waiting....and according to monica, its probably because i could not pull away from my extremely captivating choice of television picks...arnold and cosby show......i really do not know what to write about..

i just drove back from austin about five hours ago and had dinner with nisha, lija, and arlene (who by the way must jump on the bandwagon and create a xanga page)....it was good times.....i think after spending a week in austin by myself and reflecting on all the things that i need to fix in my life, it was a great feeling to come back and be with the girls....the consistency of our friendship i know has been a very great blessing on this journey

i see all of my friends and its amazing to see how much we have all grown as people..i see all our hardships of the past and the capacity of the heart's endurance and know at those times that love of friendship, family, and self is the answer and remedy to this life's pain.....

and so i see all of this and can't fathom the reality that in a man and woman relationship that it gets to a point where sometimes love just isn't enough....how do people go from being in love and acknowledging the fact they are soulmates one day to waking up the next day and not even realizing each other's existence...so i can't help but wonder if people can have more than one soulmate and if they, does it take away from this theory we have all been raised upon of the "one true soulmate"....i grew up my whole life searching for a soulmate based on this notion and now i wonder what is this fantasmic search is really all about.....and so the question is what exactly is the criteria of becoming another's soulmate..... is there a list because i obviously have not been informed of it....and this notion of "you just know," is a little hard for me to buy into right now...could searching for a roomate be likened to shoe shopping....humor me girls, because although shoes and soulmates are two worlds apart, the thought processes on  selectiveness could be the same....among all the pairs you find the one you absolutely "just know" is right for you, but if you knew you had to wear them the rest of your life, would you choose differently, more conventionally, more rationally....i dont know....its late....maybe im just babbling....

and by the way MONICA, I LOVE YOU......thanks for everything....

anyways im leaving to seattle tomorrow to visit my grandmother...i will talk to everyone later.....posttttttttttt since according to suby i shall be sleepless in seattle......love everyone...kranthi